”But you are not fat…” 

I identify myself as fat. Not chubby, not round, not just a “bigger” girl. I use the word “fat” like any other descriptor – I am also blonde, green-eyed, and very fair skinned. However, I still run into trouble when I dare to use this F-word in public. There is always a well-meaning friend, colleague or even a person I have met for the first time, exclaiming: “But you are not fat!”. 

They are just trying to be polite and nice. Still, I can see the cognitive dissonance written all over their faces… because, you know, I am indeed fat! True, I am lucky to still fit in most of the seating at restaurants and on the planes. I might be able to find some clothes in the big sizes section in some stores. I might also be able to avoid the most brutal fat shaming at the doctor’s office or at the gym. Still, I do not shy away of calling myself fat and I do want to make this word to be as judgement free as possible. 

Ever since I can remember – and definitely as early as seven years old – I have been called a fat whale or elephant at school and on the street. As you can read in my short “about me” section, being raised in Poland in a very fatphobic family (and society overall), was not a smooth ride. I had been shamed and laughed at. I had been endlessly compared to my thinner friends, cousins, and random strangers. And no! This was not only coming from cruel kids and strangers, but also from my closest family members – of course, always with the best intentions. Or so they claimed. 

Today I realize, it might had simply been a way for others to feel better about themselves. After all, they had always gained in that comparison to me, the only fat kid in the family, in the class, on the playground. They may had been unhappy, grumpy, and dissatisfied with their lives, but if they were thin(ner), they could feel safe. But were they? Are any of us safe in the world where shame, fat stigma and judgments about our bodies abound? 

So, please just allow fat women and girls, fat men and boys, and people identifying with any other gender for that matter, use “fat” as a neutral descriptor of their bodies. Allow us also to use any other word we want to use: big, chubby, heavy, strong. There is no need to object to our individual identities – no need to deny the facts. Many of us feel completely comfortable and OK with our bodies being the way they are! 

If you are not comfortable, and possibly still dreading the feeling “fat” and being “fat” – consider this alternative: you can focus on your actual strengths and your important life’s values and goals instead of focusing on your body size. Wouldn’t that be truly awesome? If you are curious how it can be done, have a look at my “work with me” page and let’s chat!