The Monster Inside

Being a fan of a fantasy genre, in the tv series (based on a book series) “His Dark Materials”, I have very much enjoyed the concept of daemons connected to their human counterparts in a form of an animal companion. In that alternative universe, part of the human soul is simply separated into a physical form of an animal. However, if the daemon dies, so does the human.

Similarly, our inside demons cannot really be killed nor ignored. They will speak to us incessantly, giving us warnings, advising, or belittling in a misguided effort to protect us. It can be those internal critics, the fearless daredevils, or the fearful children within, that all drive our behaviours and often strongly influence our lack of wellbeing. Among them, perhaps the strongest of them all, is the doubt.

These internal monsters have been with us for thousands of years. I even venture to interpret that Mara, the demon that keeps visiting the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree to prevent their enlightenment, is that same demon we all must face.  The Buddha knows well that that monster cannot be ignored or battled with, it is futile to do so. Instead, they invite Mara to join them for tea, ask what’s troubling, listen and respond wisely.

If we allow our internal critics, judges, demons, or however we refer to them, speak – then listen, acknowledge, and even thank them wholeheartedly for their opinions, advice, and warnings – we will discover the wisest way forward. Listening and accepting, we find the best way to learn and continue our progress.

My favourite story with the Buddha and Mara involves the last attempt to turn the Buddha away from their enlightenment by instilling self-doubt in them. Mara asks the Buddha, “Who do you think you are?”. The doubt itself is such a powerful demotivator. Who does not experience doubt? We are often unsure of our worthiness, our knowledge, our skills, and even our inherent goodness. The impostor syndrome has plagued humanity and perhaps is even more prevalent today than ever before.

The Buddha’s response to Mara is simple, yet powerful. They place their hand on the ground and ask the earth itself to be the witness of their inherent belonging. I am reminded of that story every time I am facing my self-doubts. However awkward my writing may be, however lost my reasoning I might get, however wrong my ideas sometimes are – I belong here. This is my place. I take the space on this earth, and I dare to say, you can take your space here too.

Conversing with my monster(s) inside, I found certain mindfulness tools to be the most helpful on this journey. As mentioned in my previous post, I would love to share those tools freely, so I am very excited to continue working on a free guide to be published here soon. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you are interested in working with me or simply wish to connect. May we all find peace and joy and may our doubts always help us grow 💜