I was always told I am too much of something. I was instructed not to speak so much and not to sing so loud. I was asked not to be so emotional. And, certainly, I was told not to eat so much. I was too much, too loud, and too big.
For years and years, I internalized these messages and tried to make myself appear smaller – in appearance, in behaviours, in emotions – even in my voice. I thought I would finally measure up to everyone’s expectations if I were just quiet enough, small enough, and calm enough. Guess what? It didn’t work. I have never managed to completely repress my feelings, shut down my appetite, or mute my opinions.
How about you? Have you also been told you are too much? Have you noticed the influence that these kinds of messages had on your life?
I know what influence they had on mine! I stopped singing in my full voice. I bottled down my anger and sadness (until inevitably they erupted from time to time of course). I obsessed about food, restricting and bingeing, on- and off-diet wagon with no results to show. Until one day, I had enough. I got tired of trying to push away difficult feelings, controlling my size, and silencing my unpopular opinions.
This took some time and effort and sometimes I needed help. I found the freedom through coaching and psychotherapy, mindfulness, and Intuitive Eating. I found communities where my voice was not rejected, quite the opposite, it was heard and understood. I even decided to get some singing lessons and enjoyed the loud, echoing back in the empty church, sound of my voice for the first time.
All this healing is possible for everyone, and I want it to be available to everyone. This is a step-by-step process where you end up taking small steps and sometimes taking some steps back. There is no magic cure for internalized social conditioning and there is no perfect healing that can be achieved, but the healing journey is nevertheless worth it. I wish I had realized sooner that I could be myself regardless of other people’s opinions. I could be myself even despite my own beliefs and judgements about what is good or bad, right or wrong.
Let’s not forget the flip side of this coin! There is also nothing wrong with being too quiet or too small. All judgements are just thoughts and we do not have to believe any of them. If I could leave you with just one thing to remember from reading this, it would be: please don’t forget to question your thoughts! There are formal tools that can help you with that, but even having the slightest doubt in both our own and other people’s beliefs can help us tremendously on this journey we call life. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you feel like it – and until next time 🙂
Important News!
I have now received the Body Trust® Specialist certification and I am looking forward to using Body Trust framework in my work with clients. There will be more information about this in the coming weeks. For now, I am simply celebrating another milestone on my path to helping women find acceptance, peace and trust in their own bodies!
Body Trust® is a registered trademark of Be Nourished, LLC.
AGGA Coaching 
Leave a comment