There are so many things that we cannot control, yet we must make choices. We make them based on a strong belief that by making the choice, we do have some influence on the future outcome. My life has been filled with such choices. I have chosen to rebel against diet culture to free myself from it’s unrealistic ideals and moralistic prescriptions. I have chosen to leave my native land to pursue education and career in a different environment – and there were many reasons for doing so. I have chosen to learn about and now teach mindfulness practices to help myself and others reduce suffering and improve wellbeing.
All these choices are mine, yet their outcomes are not in my control. Moving to various countries could have turned out to be a mistake – especially since some of my motivation has not been very mature. Rebelling against diets have caused me, albeit temporarily, to fall into the “I don’t care anymore” overeating and sedentary lifestyle that were not so great for my overall health. I feel lucky that the few choices I have made and mentioned here, seem to have provided me with positive outcomes eventually.
Yet, it’s becoming even more obvious how little control I have as I am learning and teaching about mindfulness. It is easy to see once I pause, relax, and open to the experience as it happens. Noticing the body and the physical pain – the tension, the repetitive stress injuries, the tear and wear, the migraines. Noticing the emotions – the sadness and grief, the frustration and anger, the anxiety and fear. Noticing the distorted thoughts and beliefs – the unworthiness, distrust, and worry.
Being able, sometimes, to quiet the mind just enough to realize the ultimate lack of control in my life and the ultimate freedom that comes from it. The only choice I do have is in the moment, the only thing I do control is my attention.
Once I remember that, it is possible to relax again and focus on the important stuff. The miracle of my body – breathing and moving, sensing, touching and being touched. The incessant, important messaging of my emotions – the joys and the sorrows. The analytical skills of my protective mind, always on the lookout for the next danger to avoid.
Once I remember, it is possible to find the kindness and compassion inside my heart – for myself and others. It is possible to find a little bit of peace even among all the suffering. I can’t help stopping all the pain out there in the world, hell, I can’t even stop the pain inside of me without some strong meds! But I can share the tools that can ease the pain a bit, help one get a bit of a distance, and a bit of a relief.
I wish I had learned and practiced mindfulness meditation earlier but sometimes we do need to reach the very bottom and hit that wall before we find better solutions than additions, distractions and burn out. If you are at that bottom or looking at that wall right now, let me assure you that you can climb up or over it. And of course, if you want to try out some of the mindfulness tools, you can find some of my recoded meditation on my new YouTube channel.
Final notes on what’s cooking:
My work on the free RAIN mindfulness practice handout for the newsletter subscribers has been delayed due to the “Overcome Overeating” online course that was concluded in October. Quite frankly, I had to take a bit of rest after that intensive experience and recording and publishing meditations allowed me to get rest in my favourite creative way. If you are curious what RAIN practice is – check out the RAIN meditation on my channel. The RAIN mindfulness handout will apply this practice to body image / eating issues and now I have the energy to get back to it I believe. You can already stay tuned to my updates by signing up to the newsletter of course.
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