For over two months now, I have been fighting off various infections. They are not serious enough to completely bring me down, but they are sufficiently annoying to slow me down. This is not something my type-A personality likes. This is something that my action-oriented mind truly despises.
It is a sign of our times; this need to do everything fast and efficiently, this inability to slow down, to simply take time. Even if taking time to heal is a necessity. The more time something takes, the less likely we are to stick with it. Who has patience for things that are not immediate fixes anymore?
Unfortunately, quick fixes don’t work. They have obviously never worked. Yet, we still tend to cling to the solutions that promise immediate rewards. Whether it is in dieting to lose weight, changing jobs each year to find the one that finally might fulfil us, or moving countries in hope that we somehow become a different person in the new surroundings – we repeatedly find out we have fallen into the same hole.
Another trouble is the need to be certain – preferably about everything. We want to make sure that we can achieve the results before even trying something out. We look for testimonials and scientific research – not a bad idea at all, but combined with our obsession with a quick fix, we often overlook the slow and reliable methods. On top of that, our controlling and comparing minds expect the same results as someone else had, preferably much faster. No wonder we are mostly disappointed.
I think that if someone had to pay us cash each time when they said something along the lines “I have no time… I am too busy… I have no patience”, we would be all very rich. Yet, the only time-tested method of learning patience, gaining time and becoming less busy is one that requires time, patience and willingness to be uncertain. Yes, I am talking about mindfulness meditation – or mindfulness in general as it can be applied to any activity in our lives.
Most people come to meditation with many preconceived notions of what it is and how it works. Too many arrive at meditation classes expecting easy relaxation, balance, and calm. These experiences of course can and often do happen, but they are not given! One simply cannot expect any specific outcome – one day we get beautifully relaxed, another we are jittery and overwhelmed.
Of course, we are told that any experience during meditation is normal. The insights come simply from observing anything that we are experiencing without judgement and with kindness. That’s the basic definition of mindfulness meditation after all. But why is it so difficult to stay and pay attention to all these unpleasant sensations, feelings or thoughts? Shouldn’t they all be pleasant and blissful?
Funny, isn’t it? That we expect that meditation practice should be different from the rest of our lives. Are our lives ever only pleasant and blissful?
Mindfulness meditation is like a small microcosm of our overall life’s experience. Here we can encounter the pain and the pleasure. As we sit through them both, we slowly learn patience. We also learn so much about ourselves; how we react, what our beliefs are, what we are trying to escape from, just to name a few lessons. Most importantly we start learning how to live with uncertainty, as we can never be quite sure of the outcome of any given meditation session. They are just different. Sometimes enlightening. Sometimes blissful. Sometimes painful. And sometimes simply boring.
Two months of viral infections were mostly annoying. Sometimes boring. Sometimes painful. Yet, these various experiences were also enlightening. I still expected to get better quicker. I noticed my unhealthy strategies of coping with uncertainty re-appearing. I complained and felt resentful of my husband, who refused to get infected. Thankfully, he also refused to entertain my “compare-and-despair” mind – he simply took care of me on my worst days instead.
All these patterns of expectations, poor coping strategies, complaining, and comparing are completely normal. Most of us are lost in them at least some of the time, and that’s OK. But we can also notice them with kindness and then respond differently. Because everything we experience can be a lesson. If we are curious enough to pay attention and kind enough not to judge. If we are patient enough to allow all experiences to come and go. Perhaps experiencing what happens as if it were happening for the first time.
Are you interested in more guided meditations? Check out my YouTube channel – there are plenty to choose from 😊
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